Jungle Juice Bar

Jungle Juice Bar

20 Centre Pl, Melbourne CBD, Victoria
Date: 19.8.11

My love affair with those CBD laneways continues and this place is an absolute gem. It really doesn’t look much from the front, some of the other cafes on this strip have more immediate appeal. But what this place does best is what you want. Service was very fast and was friendly, the chef even popped out for a second to talk to us. You really couldn’t work here if you were claustrophobic, we were there for lunch and the walls started closing in on me. The Golden Book menus were a nice touch, although mine was a Pokemon one. They have Pokemon Golden books? And it looked quite old. How old am I now? Our food was great, and for this side of town, very well priced. I had a beef burger bagel and it was all kinds of divine. Then there’s the coffee, my marker for everything. The coffee was strong, bold and delicious. I’ve been exploring all the cafes around this area and, so far, this has been my favourite by a long way. A mini delight you should check out.

AMBIENCE:    In one of the best laneways in the CBD, but it really doesn’t look much. The crowd in there lead you to believe it’s a good one. 3.5 out of 5.

SERVICE:    Top rate. They are friendly and fast. Unlike other cafes around here, these kids clearly enjoy their workplace and this makes it a delight to go there. 4.5 out of 5.

COFFEE:    Divine. It was a beautiful drop and I loved both my cups. Well rounded flavours with a beautiful aftertaste. 4.5 out of 5

Degraves Espresso Bar

23 Degraves St, Melbourne CBD, Victoria
Date: 17.8.11

I think I could spend a week in Degraves St and I’d be happy, it’s like café heaven. Laneways like this are why I love Melbourne. But the problem with places this wonderful, they will always get customers. Tourists file through and they don’t have to worry about return business. I’m not going to tar every café on this great street with the same brush, just Degraves Espresso Bar. The staff clearly don’t want to be there, and I’d hate to think what the kitchen must look like. Coffee is served with that extra touch of snarl and disdain. When we asked for water it was like we’d just called her mother a whore. And I had a muffin which she said was the last one. It had obviously been there for days as it was stale and dry (hence the need for water). My first cup of coffee was nice, albeit a little too strong. The second coffee was burnt, and it was obvious just looking at it. A barista who cared would certainly never have sent it out. I love the old theatre seating in the café, it looks like it will be an amazing place – hence why so many come through the door. But my recommendation, come to Degraves St, just choose somewhere different.

AMBIENCE:    The strength of this place. It’s the old real estate rule, the worst place in the best street still gets attention. Theatre seating is inspired, shame it doesn’t rub off on the staff. 4 out of 5.

SERVICE:    Resentful. Oh you want more? Rude. Blasé. Clearly second rate. I have a problem with funky places that seem to think they are better than the patrons they are serving. No patrons would equal unemployment. Is politeness really that hard? 1 out of 5.

COFFEE:    The first cup was good, although a little too strong (and this is someone who drinks black coffee like tap water). Second one clearly burnt, why would you send it out? 3 out of 5.

Cafe Riva

The Walk, 309 – 325 Bourke St, Melbourne CBD, Victoria
Date: 17.8.11

This place is in the perfect location. It was one of those rainy Melbourne days and I’d been walking around for ages and was keen to sit down somewhere nice for a coffee and lunch. The heater was on outside and I happily sat down in this funky Melbourne alleyway to watch the world go by. The service was friendly and pretty fast but it became apparent that more than anything, they just wanted to get you in there. The food was bland and majorly overpriced and as for the coffee, such a disappointment. They use one of my favourite beans, Giancarlo, but the coffee was drowned out by an overuse of water. They clearly subscribe to the “a full cup is best” attitude, when I’d rather my long black not filled to the top and tasting strong. Ironically, the cup has “Coffee is my life” written on the side. If this coffee is your life, then you are pretty God damn bland.

AMBIENCE:    It’s an impressive looking café in an amazing location. But the staff member out the front hawking their wears to every passer by is a distraction. 4 out of 5.

SERVICE:    Competent is a good word, but there was little flair. And see above about outside hawking. 3.5 out of 5.

COFFEE:    They use great beans and then flood them with water. Disappointing. 2.5 out of 5.

The Elwood General Store

5 Ormond Rd, Elwood, Victoria
Date: 15.8.11

Confession time, I’m a sucker for commercialism. I love my TV, love pop music, I like to see blockbusters at the cinema and I’ve worked on the TV show Neighbours. Hippies hate me, and I’m okay with that – I actually kind of like it. The Elwood General Store feels like a place hippies would like. It is actually an organic food store with a little café tacked on down the back. They make food which highlights the groceries you can buy. My friends had the porridge, I had a mouthful and it did seem very nice. The service was friendly enough but a little slow – my coffee seemed to take ages to arrive and we were one of only two tables there. Clearly the store side comes first. As for the coffee, I am admittedly not a fan of organic coffee. It has a distinctive taste which I feel takes away from the flavour. It was an okay drop, just nothing special. I understand why people like this place, like I understand why people go bush and live without electricity for a week. I’m just not one of them.

AMBIENCE:    The café section is far too small but is dressed shabby chic and seems to work. But I did feel like I needed to confess to the waiter that the last two films I saw at the cinema were superhero films. 3 out of 5.

SERVICE:    They were friendly, but slow and things seemed to come out at very different times. The big pot of chai came out before my friend’s latte. 2.5 out of 5.

COFFEE:    Clearly they are proud of their chai’s and dandelion teas that coffee felt like an after thought. I can only really say it was average. 2.5 out of 5.

The Artful Dodger

267 Glenhuntly Rd, Elsternwick
Date: 14.8.11

I walk past this café all the time and have always wanted to try it on for size. Located just across from Elsternwick station, it has the perfect location. It is such an attractive café, the outside area is very inviting, and the inside is funky and modern. I was there in the middle of Melbourne winter and the glare from the glass was a little too much. I’d hate to be there in summer. I really wanted to like this place, but the service lets it down – big time. The waiters have that great skill of walking past you without looking at your table. It took ages for us to order and I had to call them over. Sure the food came out super quick, and while my scrambled eggs were nice they were slightly cold. I get the feeling the food came out so quick because they’re precooking food on a busy Sunday morning. We were left alone again for ages and I had to call someone over once more for my second coffee. Then when we tried to pay the bill, we stood at the counter for a few minutes before one of the four behind the counter even said they’d be with us in a minute. We could have walked out and been a kilometre down the road before they even knew – and my friend is heavily pregnant. Shocking service for a place that is clearly loved, I sense some arrogance. As for the coffee, it was good. The chocolate covered coffee bean that arrived with the coffee was a nice touch, but was lacking from the second cup. The taste is strong and rounded. I’ve had better lately but still really enjoyed this fine drop. I’d be back, but I just don’t have the time to wait to be served.

AMBIENCE:    By the bucket loads my friends. Such a lovely outside area and the inside has a very fresh and inviting feel. That glass worries me though, I think it will be exceptionally glary and hot in summer. 4 out of 5.

SERVICE:    Woeful, and I don’t use that word lightly. They’re smiles when they get to you, but they just don’t get to you often. And the wait at the end to pay the bill was unforgivable. Standing at a counter where four people are all actively trying to ignore you. Wouldn’t it have taken less effort to just serve us? 1 out of 5.

COFFEE:    Good. I have drunk a lot of different coffee recently and this is a nice drop, but certainly not the best, but better than many others. Nice bold, rich flavours. 4 out of 5.

Dino's Deli

34 Chapel St, Windsor, Victoria
Date: 15.8.11

This end of Chapel St isn’t the nice part. The shops around here are a little grotty and to add to that feel, there’s a sex shop next door. The café doesn’t look like much from the front, but as some old bat once said, “You can’t judge a book by its cover”. Inside this café is divine, it’s like a rabbit warren. There’s a long hallway with all these little off shoot private areas where you can sit privately. Or there’s a big communal area at the front if you want to be around others. The layout is completely unique and the eclectic furniture and art only adds to this. The service was incredibly friendly, but being away in your own area can make it harder when you want anything else. But on this day, our food and drinks came out exceptionally fast. I wanted to love the coffee, just to add to the love I was hearting for this place. The coffee, however, was their low point. While it wasn’t bad, it just tasted a little metallic – I felt like I could taste the water. But still, I happily drank two cups and the flavour was okay. I’d love to return to this place for dinner, it seems like a very fun place.

AMBIENCE:    Major ambience happening here. What a special little place it is. Loved the decorating and loved that our seats were isolated and we could talk about what we liked without an audience, and we did! 4.5 out of 5.

SERVICE:    Exceptionally friendly, our waiter was wonderful. But lucky we didn’t need anything else as we were very isolated. 4 out of 5.

COFFEE:    It was strange. The first thing I said to my friend Fiona, I could taste the water. Never had that before. It was slightly metallic, taking away from the rounded coffee flavour. Okay drop, certainly had better lately. 2.5 out of 5.

Turtle Cafe

34 Glenhuntly Rd, Elwood, Victoria
Date: 12.8.11

This place is an Elwood institution, sitting in the perfect location to sit on a warm Melbourne afternoon and sip coffee or a glass of wine. This was winter, so I sat inside. But still, this place is all about the ambience and has that great feel where you feel very relaxed. I’ve been there at night, not as good then, so come for the afternoon with some friends and you’ll love it. The coffee was good without being great. It was very strong but seemed to lack some of the smoother edges. Service was friendly without being overly memorable. A nice place that may not be the best, but is still pretty good.

AMBIENCE:    This is what this place has. Try this cafe in spring and sit outside with your friends or maybe a good book. Maybe even buy me a coffee! 4 out of 5.

SERVICE:    Nice enough and quite fast. They’re competent but you feel they don’t go that extra mile. 3.5 out of 5.

COFFEE:    It’s a nice drop, and it’s very full and strong. The flavour just lacks some depth. 3.5 out of 5.